Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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