So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize
