Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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