i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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