Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
