I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
