I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
