Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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