How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
