Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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