just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
