BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
