sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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