I love black thongs
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
