i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
