the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
