how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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