the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
