There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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