Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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