i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
