oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You dont lie about slip and slides
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
