i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
vagina is talking i cant
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
