New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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