i would punch a child for taco bell
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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