If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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