He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
