You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
