moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
only you would photoshop your dick
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
