is your mom at the bar?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
