everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
