I should be sponsored by Trojan
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
