this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
