quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
