Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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