i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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