i would punch a child for taco bell
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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