The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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