Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
