You smell like stripper and shame
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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