I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
