I am puke
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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