I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
