he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
