so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
