I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
