Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
