do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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