i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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