So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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