So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
