I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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