Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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