She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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