I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think people are normalizing furries
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize