idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
