I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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