Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
