I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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