So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
