I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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