Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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