a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
