I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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