I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
why do cheetos always look like penises
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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