Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
babies were throwing up all over the place
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
