What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
