I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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