I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
