Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
