Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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