my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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