I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
