hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
