question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
